Rizz 101

What is rizz? By definition, rizz is the ability to talk to females.

Although many questions plague young men, one that takes the cake is how in this crazy world will I find a lady? You can look no further than this article for everything you need to know about how to pick up chicks.

1. Get Closer to God

As a young man dealing with hormones and struggling to handle my anxieties, I found solace in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Realize you have a purpose, and it is to serve the Lord by living your life for Him. Know that He made the ultimate sacrifice for you, you owe Him everything, and that it is a privilege to commit our lives to Him.

2. Focus on Yourself and Make the Best Possible Version of Yourself

I know you see this everywhere on social media. It really is cliché, but cliches are cliches for a reason. Find your purpose, go to the gym (a healthy body is a healthy mind), and get a haircut (you would be surprised how much a haircut can change your appearance). If you focus on your appearance, you look like you have your life together. Lastly, read books (have a growth mindset, be a student of the game of life, I promise you do not know everything). A couple of book recommendations are The Like Switch by Dr. Jack Shaver, How to Win Over and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, and Start with Why by Simon Sinek.

The first and most important thing you must do on your self-improvement journey is to find your purpose. This is Star Trek’s Prime Directive for your life. What can you do to get the most out of life? In one of my book recommendations, Start with Why by Simon Sinek, he talks about why the “why” is so important. He uses the Wright Brothers as an example. Samuel Pierpont Langley was a man who seemed to have the key to success. He had all the money, the personnel, and everything he would need, but then he quit because he could not figure it out. Then a couple of days later in Dayton, Ohio, a few hundred miles away, the Wright Brothers achieved flight. They did not have everything that Langley did, and they used the proceeds from their bike shop. What is the difference? Langley wanted to do it for money and fame, while the Wright Brothers wanted to do it for the innovation of flight. Notoriety is not a reason to do something. Passion=Why=Purpose. If you love what you do, you will never work a day in your life.

Well-known pastor, Mike Todd, says, “The greatest version of you is not the ‘I can do anything’ version of you. The greatest version of you is the most disciplined version of yourself.” When you set boundaries in your life, and when you get rid of distractions, you can focus on your goal. In a society that focuses on instant gratification, putting that off is considered not “normal.”

Seven-time Olympic World Champion in wrestling, Jordan Burroughs, talks about what it took to get where he was. Sacrifice was the name of the game for him. When he was in college, he used to party a lot. He decided that partying would not get him to his goal of winning a national title for Nebraska, so he put off the parties. He thought about how crazy the parties would be after he won a national title. Then he won two titles for the Huskers. Then he wondered, if he put off parties a little longer, he could win a world title. In 2011, Burrough, months after winning that second national title, won a world title. Then he thought if he put off parties just a little longer, he could claim a coveted Olympic title. Eleven months later, at 24 years old, he claimed his Olympic gold medal. He learned that he achieved his goals by putting off the immediate joys of life.

I see a lot of people who struggle with this are the people who have an external locus of control. In short, locus of control is how you view your problems. When you were a child, you could not conceptualize how the world did not cause the afflictions in your life; you had an external locus of control. If you tripped on the playground, you would blame the shoes, the little wall, or whatever else. Now when you see someone with an external locus of control, they are a “woe is me” kind of person. They blame all their problems on everyone else; they do not take responsibility for their life. This knowledge is a little dangerous; self-awareness is the key to becoming the best version of oneself. Not everything that happens to you is your fault, but it is your responsibility. The people who know that can change the things that plague their lives.

3. Be Confident: You’ve Put in the Work, Now Act Like It

I want to give all the naïve people out there a news flash: Most people have no idea what they are doing. You would never know though, because they do not show it. It is okay not to know. In the words of Butch to Arlo from The Good Dinosaur: “Listen, kid, you can’t get rid of fear. It’s like Mother Nature; you can’t beat or outrun her, but you can get through it. You can find out what you’re made of.” On another side note, something that got me over my nervousness about talking to someone was knowing that everyone is going through something and has flaws, so do not put someone on a pedestal. Despite what the movies say, no one is perfect.

4. Now for the Actual Rizz

Let’s say you are in a Starbucks, and the most beautiful girl is working on a paper and listening to music. Then you remember that you have done everything that leads you up to this point. You muster up the courage to go up to talk to her. Your brain scans a room four times per second to tell you if you should notice something — the flight, fight, or freeze response. You can use this to your favor and see the little things about her — her smile, her eyes, the book she might be reading, if you can hear the music, anything you can use to spark a conversation. Now if your mind is absolutely blanking and you cannot think of anything, here is a 100 percent guaranteed conversation starter: “Hey, I just saw you and must say that you are beautiful, and I just had to talk to you.”

Now she should respond with some form of thank you. If she does not, it is best you walk away. Also, pro tip: The conversation topic that people like talking about the most is themselves. Ninety-five percent of a person’s thoughts are about themselves. Then you say, “Of course, I am sure you always get this.” She will say either yes or no. If she says yes, then say “I’m not surprised.” And a bigger shocker, if she says no, say, “Really, I’m surprised.” Then say, “What’s your name?” with an outstretched hand. She says her name. Then, if she asks for your name, you are in. This means she is interested in wanting to know things about you. Remember, always be yourself; you are not an actor, and you do not need to be someone else. Be genuine.

5. Retention: How to Keep the Girl You Like

This is where a lot of people struggle. You found a beautiful girl but make dumb mistakes that can be costly. Now understand it is okay to realize that not every girl you meet will become a long-lasting relationship; that is just life. Look out for the red flags. It is hard to see red flags through rose-colored goggles. A couple of significant mistakes I see that can be avoided are:

• Communicate your feelings. Not communicating will only create a toxic environment that will only have a negative result. I understand that this is a challenging thing to do. Being genuinely vulnerable to another human being takes a lot of trust. But if you find that woman, it will create an unbreakable bond.
• Do not play stupid games with girls. Please do not wait to respond because you think it makes you seem needy. If she is interested in you, she will enjoy a quicker response.
• Do not be insecure. First off, if you are dating her, she likes you. If she is a High-Value Woman (HVW), she will not put up with that. High-Value Woman: A woman with a good moral compass.
• Remember, love never fails. If it fails, it is not love. Always have faith in God’s plan. He has something special for you.

6. The Long Term: Never Stop Trying

I know we have all heard those guys who look disheveled and gross say, “Who do I have to impress? I have a girlfriend/fiancé/wife.” That girl who fell in love with you fell in love with the man who took the time to care about how he looks, takes care of himself, and works for the relationship. Never stop trying.

I am unsure how many of you made it to the end, but if you put this into action, you will have a very fulfilling and Godly relationship. I only wish the best for you and all your endeavors.